The Virtue Of Your Feminine Self

Lately, I have been facilitating a lot of women’s circles and have been dropping into the intimate and tender spaces of what it truly means to bare the weight and courage of being a woman. I am excited to say, that the more I speak my truth, the more I hear my truth spoken back to me… and now I know that I am not alone in the uprise of sensual, strong, intelligent and creative feminine beings.

Energetically cleansing my space with a sacred sound healing Tibetan singing bowl. Photography by Alexandra Borcila
Energetically cleansing my space with a sacred sound healing Tibetan singing bowl. Photography by Alexandra Borcila

Last night I met a man who said something beautiful. He said, “A woman is the Queen of the household. She brings justice and virtue into the space. She is love and beauty.” I also once heard a friend say, “If your Queen is not happy, then your household is not happy.” I am not saying “keep your woman happy, at all costs.” On the contrary that sounds a bit co-dependent.


But what has been so tremendously beautiful, is the more I hold space for “Women’s Work”, the more men have come to me to tell me it’s amazing to see. They have been drawn to the radiance that comes from being empowered by being honoured and respected from within. They have resonated with the wholesomeness, the strength, the beauty and the cleanliness of what it means to be loved, virtuously.


I imagine this is what we wish to have in our homes as a society. This is what we wish to provide for our children and know that we too were worthy of it in our own upbringing…. By no means does this mean we are faultless (even wrinkles and stretch marks are beautiful because they show the stories of how we have lived. They are a part of our body’s natural landscape). I am simply feeling into how nature is cleanly and has natural systems/rhythms/patterns/principles built into it that keep things to maintain balance and bring life back into equilibrium. The ebbs and flow keep the abundance of nature alive. Nature is radiant….and her rath is real… so she must be respected, and she will flow openly to receive you in your entirety. This is not to be taken advantage of or disrespected. Yet so many people do. So many people “take” rather than receive… and so many people compromise rather than flow in alignment with their truth with what feels right. If you would like to read more about my personal journey of self-discovery and coming into alignment with myself, I invite you to read my previous article "Coming back to your natural state of flow".


These last few weeks I have been running a six-week course with my amazing co-facilitator Page Lotze. The course is called ‘Your Sovereign Self’ and it is an initiation into womanhood. We are taking a group of women on a journey to claim their divinity as a lived experienced by providing a space for them to come into alignment with their true-selves. You can find more about my woman’s work on my Clare.Hope Instagram Page. here: https://www.instagram.com/clare.hope/ and feel free to join our online-gatherings on the last Thursday of every month!


"The journey of being an empowered, outspoken and sensual woman is still fairly recent in western society"

The thing is… the journey of being an empowered, outspoken and sensual woman is still fairly recent in western society. Women were burnt at the stake for centauries for being forthcoming and intuitive ….and today, there is still significant criticism about our capabilities as well as a sizeable difference in our pay cheques in comparison with men. The assumption is that the man carries the home. The reality is, especially with more and more single working mothers emerging, is that it is women who are significantly keeping the home together, by managing the family and making sure everyone has what they need.


A feminine quality is chaos, but to be honest, a lot of women are very organised… and we need to be… because the future generations are counting on our emotional stability. Unfortunately, this is a very hard expectation to have on a single human being… and the societal programming for a woman to be compassionately quiet and for a man to assert his power by exerting his freedom is still very strong. And so women are expected to hold space quietly while patterns of unavailability teach our children how to be in relationship with each other – how to be in relationship with ourselves - how to respect and love each other – and yes –how to remain unseen.


But why? Don’t we all carry a constitution of who we are at our core, that informs us on how we wish to be seen in the world?

Yes… but we have been taught to not listen to it and to compromise ourselves to fit in. Our radiance is welcome to take up space, but that also depends on how we can relate to ourselves and embody it day by day so that others can learn to be in relationship with it too.



Holding space for a ‘Your Sovereign Self’ Women’s Circle.  Photography by Tim Taylor
Holding space for a ‘Your Sovereign Self’ Women’s Circle. Photography by Tim Taylor

If we find that we are not being seen, then the responsibility is our own to do the ‘shadow work’ and create room for ourselves to show up. Most of the monsters, the boogie men and harmful narratives are our own. Most of our fears of not being enough and that we will be unmet are our own. The trick is to live your truth in your wholeness – in its fullness – and what ever gets in your way can be tested, worked on, and used as fuel to generate and enhance the energy that you bring into your life that will allow you to live as you truly are.


This practice requires a few things, like consistency, being value-centric, valuing your innate self-worth, having ethics, building boundaries, and practicing spiritual hygiene (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual cleanliness). No one will be able to meet you unless you show them how you wish to be met – which is also showing them how to treat you and how not to treat you. If someone chooses to walk away or create space, then they are not affirming or supporting what you are needing in this point in time – and that is ok – your paths may cross again – and when they do – both of you will be more aligned with who you truly are and parallel in a beautiful way that can dance together while still maintaining a sense of sovereignty.


If the process of separation is one riddled with guilt and shame for you needing space to discover what you need and who you are, with dignity and integrity, then co-dependency is cautioned because it can relate to ‘people pleasing’, which stems from having to put our parents’ needs before our own as children – and not learning how to create boundaries to respect and affirm our own sense of wellbeing.


We first need to feel worthy and know what we deserve to be able to set these boundaries and put ourselves first in a selfless way that is fundamentally supportive by being honest with the people around us. Not easy when we don’t know how it feels to be affirmed by those who are closest to us and may not even know what it is that we really want. So, the questions are

♡ What lights you up?

♡ Who lights you up?

♡ How are you treated?

♡ How are you seen?

♡ What are you going to do with that?

♡ Are you going for it?


Will you listen to the voice that supports you or breaks you down? That inner voice? Yes… maybe it stems from Dad etc… but now it’s yours! What are you going to do? ♡♡♡


So, we need to create space for ourselves and nurture inner-cleanliness by practicing emotional, physical and spiritual hygiene. By bringing this into our own lives, we can wipe the slate clean, over and over again, and take up space as ourselves. If we allow our pathologies or wounded child to direct our “truth” without really addressing where it stems from, then we may just be adding to the mess and letting the blind lead the blind.


A safe and cleanly space, created from within, is fertile ground for growth. Yes… We can also grow and build our resilience in an unsafe space. But it is the safe space within that allows us to self-regulate and maintain a strong sense of self that decides how we move through the world, how we are seen and how we relate to others, in a way that we can systemically move ourselves towards equilibrium.


As a Queen, make sure you affirm, support and love the spirit of those around you

A Queen of the home is aware of this. She always holds virtue and impeccability in her heart and she is able to protect her space through cleanliness of character. This is an ongoing gig. Which is why we are human. Which is why we are humble to the mystery and are constantly learning who we are at our core as the layers fall away. Sounds intrepid? Well….getting to know who you truly are is one of the greatest adventures and biggest challenges you will ever face. From an existential point of view….it may even be why you are here….to discover what this is and bring the gift of your spirit into the world.


So, as a Queen, make sure you affirm, support and love the spirit of those around you. If someone shares themselves with you and tells you who they really are, say “YES” to them. Tell them they can have it, they can do it, they can be it, they are already becoming it, and you are there to support them because you are in love with their radiance. We all deserve to be free… and free mothers make free sons and daughters. Free people know how to love. We can decide how we are seen. We can decide how we live.

Being in my flow by taking in my surroundings and connecting to my beauty within. Photography by Anouk Anansi
Being in my flow by taking in my surroundings and connecting to my beauty within. Photography by Anouk Anansi

Sometimes we need to make gentle reminders, as a self-care practice, to become aware of our “spiritual hygiene”. What might your needs be to take care of yourself and the cleanliness of the space around you? Here is an example below – which you are welcome to use! I also suggest that you adapt it and share some of your top tips in the comments below!


Spiritual Hygiene Checklist:

♡ Did I give gratitude for something today?

♡ Did I look into my eyes in the mirror and allow myself to see myself shine?

♡ Did I notice my harmful and negative thoughts? Did I replace them with supportive ones?

♡ Did I engage with my body by chanting, doing yoga, some breathwork, going for a walk or doing something I enjoy that is physical?

♡ Did I make a Zen space for myself to come back to?

♡ Did I speak my truth when my boundaries were crossed so others could know how I feel?

♡ Was I supportive to myself about something that was hard today?


Feel free to contact me at toclarewithlove@gmail.com to learn more about spiritual hygiene and/or arrange a transformative inquiry session with me where we can also develop a personalised energetic cleansing practice.


With love

Clare Hope